-- Sync by Rafael UPD -- www.addic7ed.com/
♪ here are the legends of the kung fu panda ♪
[scatting]
♪ raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame ♪
♪ he climbed the mountaintop ♪
♪ and earned the dragon warrior name ♪
♪ ooh ah yah ♪
♪ kung fu panda ♪
[scatting]
♪ master shifu saw the warrior blossom ♪
♪ and master the skills of bodacious and awesome ♪
♪ kung fu panda ♪
[scatting]
♪ he lives and he trains and he fights ♪
♪ with the furious five ♪
♪ protect the valley somethin' somethin' ♪
♪ somethin' somethin' alive ♪
♪ ooh, ah, ohh ♪
♪ kung fu panda ♪
♪ legends of awesomeness ♪
Sweet.
[groans]
Po!
[all exclaim]
Po, buddy, speak to me.
Ha!
[laughs]
Ah, man, your expressions are priceless.
[laughs]
Po.
This can only mean one thing.
Tang, the toy vendor just came through town.
1,001 hilarious novelties.
I got paddle balls, fake swords and fire poppers,
And this really huge new kite.
Okay, um...
You just pull the--
No, it goes like--
Hang on, let me just--
It came with instructions but they're not in chinese.
[groans]
Get it supported in there--
Oh, come on.
That's never gonna fly.
This is the dragon warrior?
So undignified.
Can I borrow that fake doody?
Ha-ha!
Let's get this baby out in the wind.
Ooh!
[heavy breathing]
Up, kite. Up, kite.
Ooh!
Kitey, kitey up!
Up, kitey!
Ooh, kitey, kitty, kitty, oh kitty, kitty!
Whoa, all right!
Whoa!
This...
Is...
So...
Bo...
Da...
Cious...
Ly...
Awesome!
Whoa!
Whoa.
This is the only way to travel.
[distant grunts] what?
Trouble!
Hang on, guys!
I'm coming.
Ha-ha!
Oh!
[glass squeaking]
I'm here!
Move!
All right, who threw this?
[sighs]
Buddy, you just made my list.
Uh, what list?
My list of people I'm gonna hit really hard.
[grunts]
[all grunting]
Whoa!
[all grunting]
You have bested my minions, dragon warrior.
But you cannot beat temutai, warrior-king of the qidan!
I beat you last time.
Yes, but I had a head cold.
[both grunting]
What?
Who-a!
[both grunting]
How could you be that fast?
Uh, I had a light lunch.
[whooshing]
Ya!
What?
[crash]
We'll call it a draw!
How did you do that?
You didn't even touch him.
Panda...
Where did you learn the thundering wind hammer?
That thing I just did?
Uh, I thought I made it up.
The wind hammer is one of the legendary
Seven impossible moves.
No one has done that since--
Since--
Well, never mind.
Since what?
The invention of bodacity?
Or did that just happen?
[laughs]
Ah!
Just looking for a high five here.
Oh, no, thanks.
Maybe later.
I, uh--I hurt my hand.
Ah!
High five?
Anyone?
I really gotta go.
Uh, today's bad for me.
I don't want to.
Sorry, no hands.
Okay...
Why is everyone acting so weird?
Our behavior is entirely within
The parameters of normality.
Good-bye.
I just defeated five bad guys with something
That's impossible and everyone's running away from me.
What gives?
[sighs]
You'll have to find out sooner or later.
Come with me.
Whoa!
Who're all those cool guys?
The furious five.
Ah, but it's not.
I mean it's you and some guys.
Po, the furious five have protected the valley of peace
For hundreds of years.
How old do you think, say, tigress is?
I don't know. 40?
Okay, well, less than 100.
So--so this was another furious five!
Yes.
Okay.
But who's that?
[sighs]
That, is fenghuang.
She was the greatest fighter of us all.
But she changed.
Over the years, the most powerful of us have all
Had one thing in common.
They've become dark, twisted, villainous.
In a word: Evil.
Po...
You are the most powerful.
Wow, shifu. Thanks.
I mean, coming from you, that means--
Wait, what?
So that means, I'm gonna turn evil!
I can't believe it. I'm gonna become evil.
Me, po.
I'm the least evil person I know.
Monkey?
Just a minute!
[deep thud]
Uh, po. Come on in.
Monkey, you don't think I'm going to become dark,
Twisted, and villainous, do you?
Oh, so you heard about fenghuang?
What do you know?
Well, they say fenghuang had very special skills
That oogway recognized and refined.
As he trained her, she just got stronger...
Until she was the most powerful of the five.
And that's when she started to change.
She challenged oogway to fight, declaring that she
Would be the master of the jade palace.
But oogway had been expecting this.
He had built an inescapable owl-shaped cage.
An owl-shaped cage?
But, he would have to defeat her to get her into it.
[explosions]
She could not defeat oogway...
But she could run.
There's a rumor she's been up in the northern mountains,
Too afraid of oogway to return.
And now everyone thinks that I'm going to go bad
Just like she did.
Oh, what?
No, no, of course not. [laughs]
Oh, don't be silly.
Is that a panda-shaped cage?
No.
[sighs]
You have to treat poe just as you always have.
Don't be afraid of him. He hasn't changed.
Yet.
Shifu, I've totally changed.
I'm turning evil.
I stole monkey's dumpling.
Then I smashed into crane.
Ow!
Then I lifted with my back instead of my legs.
Ah!
And then I cheated at mahjong, and I used the last
Of the toilet paper, and I yelled at crane while he was
Telling that story again.
The one about the rickshaw, driver,
The teapot, and the hot peppers?
Yeah. I hate that one.
And I've been wearing these same pants
For three days straight.
Po, none of these things make you evil.
You need to relax.
How can I relax when I could become horrible fiend
At any moment?
How?
[crumbling]
[crash]
I just killed the jade palace reflecting pool.
It's been here for hundreds of years.
Thousands, actually.
If that isn't evil, I don't know what is.
I don't feel the same around him.
He smells evil.
That's not new.
Look, there's no proof he's turning evil.
You all need to settle down
And stop acting like scared little chickens.
Hey. Ah!
Don't hurt me, please.
Take crane.
Mantis, I'm not evil. Yet.
So I've decided that before I do become a hideous evil monster,
I will leave the valley of peace forever.
Don't try to stop me.
Is, uh, anyone gonna try to stop me?
Your buddy, po, leaving forever.
Po?
Ah, po? Dad!
Where're you going, son?
Dad, I-- I have to leave town.
I'm too powerful and I'm going to turn evil.
What?
Right now?
But that could be bad for business.
Oh, but I don't want you to go, son.
For the safety of everyone, I have to go
Before I hurt anyone.
Love you, son.
[remorseful music]
♪ ♪
Yeow!
[gasping]
Argh!
Ah!
[screaming]
You! You must be fenghuang.
Yes, and you must be 300 pounds.
No, 290, tops.
Ooh!
Tuck and roll.
[yells and grunts]
Eww!
You, you, you come to me from the jade palace.
How did you know?
I smelled that incense they use.
Sandalwood, yuck!
I had to leave there before I hurt them.
Before I became like you. Evil.
So you are the most powerful warrior in the jade palace?
What's it like?
Is it tingly?
Are my eyebrows gonna go all pointy, and I'm gonna get some
Kind of evil laugh that turns into a cough...
[evil laugh]
[coughs]
And end up in an evil lair?
Kinda like this one but not so smelly.
What if I ended up with a hook and a shaved head?
Who told you I was evil?
Was it oogway?
No, shifu told me.
'cause oogway's gone.
What, what, what?
Oogway is gone?
Did you say oogway is gone?
Yeah.
Ha!
Finally.
Without oogway, I can defeat shifu and assume my rightful
Place as a ruler of the jade palace.
The strong must rule the weak.
They will fall.
Wow.
That is, like, classic evil ranting.
Am I going to be doing that?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, you will.
Evil will tempt you with her power,
And you will gladly except.
Come with me now, po.
We will return to the jade palace and annihilate
Everyone that you once loved.
No. No!
That's why I left, so I wouldn't hurt them.
I can't let you go.
Ooh-wa!
[both grunting]
You're good, panda.
But you can't win.
Why not?
Because I cheat.
Ah!
[deep breathing]
You will come around, panda,
And you will join me...
Sooner than you think.
I gotta get back to the jade palace.
Oh, that's really, really un-awesome idea.
And the only one I've got.
[wings flapping]
Fenghuang.
Shifu...
You don't seem glad to see me.
Of course I am.
I even lit some sandalwood incense.
[grunting]
All right.
No problem, wind.
I can wait all...
Day-ay-ay!
Whoa!
Ah!
[screaming]
Ooh!
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Woo-hoo! Whoo!
[both grunting]
Poor, poor shifu.
If oogway couldn't beat me, what chance do you have?
[roars]
[both grunting]
Ah!
[grunts]
[hissing]
[both grunting]
Hiya!
Yah!
[both grunting]
Hiya!
[grunts] ha!
[both grunting]
Hi-y-y-y-ya!
Ah, it's been a lovely reunion, shifu.
But I think it's time to say good-bye.
[screams]
Hoo-hoo! Yeah!
Bringing it from the sky.
Ha-ha!
Ooh!
Oh!
That was awesome!
Oof!
So, dragon warrior,
Evil has grabbed your heart,
And you've come back to join me.
No, I've come back to stop you.
So in my last moments of not-yet-evil,
I say, "wa-ta!"
No!
Hiya!
[both grunting]
You want to save them,
The very people who wanted you gone?
You think they care?
[grunts]
Ha!
[both grunting]
Man...
You are... Fast!
But are you as fast as the wind?
[grunting]
Ah!
Whoa!
How'd you do that?
What you cannot absorb, you deflect.
Ha!
Hoo-wa!
I did it!
You're a fast learner.
Give in, po. Give in.
Oh, there is a lot I could show you.
Such as?
[stone scraping]
Ha!
[grunting]
Want to learn the mongolian fireball?
Do I?
If I'm going evil,
Might as well be good at it.
Let's see the fireball.
Whoa!
[explosion]
Yeah!
You're a natural, po.
The evil is taking over.
Join me.
I can teach you all of the seven impossible moves.
Po, no!
Huh?
We are the most powerful.
We should rule.
And we will.
[grunts]
Po, don't do this.
You talk to much. You know that?
Hiya!
[groans]
Have you lost your mind?
No.
I came to my senses.
Now, let's make this quick.
No!
Ah!
[all gasp]
[grunts and groans]
Excellent.
Now, po, you and I have much to do.
The jade palace is ours.
Soon, no one will be able to stand against--
[clank]
[muffled] oh, no!
No!
Wow, it still fits you perfectly after all these years.
You've really kept your figure.
You, you, you, actually took out shifu
Just so you could sneak up on me with this?
Sorry.
Tang, the toy vendor.
1,001 hilarious novelties.
[gasps] you're alive!
Um, and I'm happy about that...
Sir.
So where are you sending me?
Chor ghom prison. Don't worry.
It's actually nicer than your old place.
This isn't over, po.
Someday I'll get free, and when I do, I--
Hey, hey, I'm still talking here.
I'll get you, panda!
I'll get you!
Po!
Son, you're back.
Glad to see you didn't turn evil.
Not t, anyway.
I'm not gonna turn evil.
Really?
How do you know?
Turns out it's only happened to the strongest member
Of the furious five.
I'm not one of the furious five, so...
It's actually tigress you better keep your eyes on.
I heard that.
Yep, no dragon warrior has ever turned evil.
So I'm off the hook.
Uh...
Do you want me to get rid of that po-shaped cage?
Hmm...
No. Better safe than sorry.
[smacking food]
So good.
You might want to let it out around the middle a bit though.
Hwah!
Wah-ya!
Ow!
Harder, po!
[grunts]
Skid--oops.
A little too hard.
Your compassion and your aggression
Must be balanced to be a whole warrior.
It's not really fair.
She's scary!
[spooky chime]
Nevertheless, with croc bandits
On the rampage, everyone must be at the top of their game.
Yeah.
And I'm gonna go look for 'em right now.
In the kitchen.
We agreed if you didn't complete the entire course
You had to clean the archives.
Come with me.
[startled]
Perhaps we should rethink these designs.
Cool!
I gotta say, as dumb chores go,
This one's kind of awesome.
Whoa!
The ancient locking stocks for the prisoner xie cho.
[gasps] and xie cho junior.
[gasps]
Careful, po.
I love it.
Oh! Ah! Woohoo! Ow!
[chuckling] I had it all the way.
Don't handle the artifacts, po.
Just gently dust them.
[gasps]
I've heard of this.
The mystical mirror of yin and yang.
Cool!
That, you can handle.
Really?
Because it's a replica.
The real one is safely locked away in that cabinet.
Ooh!
Don't touch it.
[handle creaking] dust.
The sooner you finish,
The sooner you can search for crocs.
In the kitchen.
[humming]
No! No!
Don't touch it!
Ooh!
[mysterious sound]
Wah!
Po? Nothing!
[ominous music]
[joints cracking] ahh...
[spits]
Mine! Mine! Mine, mine!
Huh!
"po, clean that up."
[laughs]
No!
[evil laugh]
[door slams]
[slurping food rapidly]
A true warrior savors every bite of food,
For it may be their last.
No way.
I gotta eat what I can before po gets here.
[all slurping rapidly]
[singing]
Oh, hey guys.
I just made you all woven grass slippers.
Eh-eh, my food, po. Keep your hands off.
Oh, I'm not really hungry.
[all gasp]
I'll just go do everyone's dishes.
Everybody, the crocs are attacking outside town.
Let's go.
[gasps] can I come, too?
Or is this just a you-guys thing?
Po, come on!
Thank you!
[screaming, objects shattering]
Stop! Please!
My grandmother gave me that vase.
Then tell her to get you another one.
Come on, let's get out of here before--
Hey, everybody!
Those vases look heavy. Need some help?
Hand it over, fung.
Um, yeah, about that.
[laughs]
Huh!
What?
You three stay here, we'll go after the crocs.
[dramatic music]
Po, you go after him, and we'll stay with these two.
Tigress!
Your fur is very shiny today.
Looks nice.
Just go!
[grunts]
[grass rustling]
What are you doing?
He got away?
We may still be able to get him.
If you and monkey go that way--
No, no, it's okay. I let him go.
I can go--
What?
Wait a minute, you did what now?
What a nice guy.
Are you mad? You look mad.
You are mad!
[whimpering]
Okay, okay. I'm gonna stop.
[inhales sharply]
[whimpering continues]
Okay. Okay. I'm gonna stop.
[clears throat]
Fine now.
It's not just me, is it?
Po's acting awfully weird.
Let me loosen this.
These ropes are totally gonna start chafing your backsides.
Po!
[yelps]
Did someone kick him in the head?
No, but I might.
[loud chewing]
There you are.
Shifu wants to see us all in the training hall.
Ah, run home to your mother,
You pencil-necked mama's boy.
Okay, great, so I'll just tell--
Wait, what did you call me?
Pencil...Necked...
Mama's...Boy.
[belches]
[singing]
[both grunt]
Hey, crane!
Quit following me!
Rude, insulting, poor excuse for a friend!
What?
[growls]
[laughs]
Po, just in time. I need your help.
Table eight.
Ooh! These look delicious.
[bowl shatters]
Ah!
You better believe it.
Way too good for you, skunk breath.
Don't you talk to my wife that way.
I'll talk to her any way I want, rump nugget.
[all gasp]
Po, what are you doing to my customers?
Nothing compared to what your so-called "noodles"
Are doing to them.
[sniffs] whew!
I have better noodles than these come out of my nose.
I never wanted to work in a noodle shop,
Ever!
Oh, po, how could you say such things?
It's about time someone told you the truth, old man.
Hah!
[explosion]
[laughs]
Hi, dad.
[angry grunt]
How could you treat me like this?
What?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
What? What's going on?
[frightened gasps]
You! Wah!
That's for knocking over my garbage, you scoundrel.
But I--
Thanks for smashing my ladder,
Miscreant!
Creep! Ow!
Ow! Ooh ooh ooh ooh!
Why does everyone hate me?
I didn't do anything. Whoa!
Quit following me!
Sorry. Sorry, I--
[both gasp]
Both: Who are you?
I'm po, the dragon warrior.
You can't be me. I'm me!
Lovable, friendly, slightly chubby po.
No, I'm me.
The bodaciously awesome dragon warrior
Who does whatever he wants.
I'm me, the collector of all tchotchkes kung fu!
The defeater of foes!
The friend of the five!
Both: The guy who annoys shifu!
[gasps] oh, oh, oh, the mirror!
The mystical mirror of yin and yang!
It split me into two po's.
Both: Awesome.
[gasps] shifu's gonna know I disobeyed him.
He'll be so mad.
I'm so sick of that! Him and his stink eye.
He'll be all...Disappointed.
Stop worrying about shifu!
Both: Oww!
[grunting]
Guess I gotta make sure you don't get hurt, huh?
Sweet!
Look, I can take care of shifu.
We can work together, as long as you do whatever I say.
Uh, I'm not sure I--
And I'll steal you a cookie.
I'm in.
And, uh, what exactly is the plan?
The plan is:
You stay down here forever,
And I get to be the one and only dragon warrior.
I, uh...
[evil laughter]
I'm funny! [laughs]
[nervous chuckle] okay, I'll, uh,
I'll just wait here then.
[grunting]
Everyone has a dominant side.
This exercise is meant to help strengthen your weaker side.
Hey, good lookin'. What's shakin'?
Huh? [growls]
[laughs]
You're late.
Do you care to explain where you've been?
Not really.
Skoogally-moogally-doo.
Punctuality is as vital a trait as any
The dragon warrior possesses.
It is a refelection of--
Blah, blah, blah.
Save the pithy nugget of wisdom, sheefster.
Let's do some stuff.
How about for being late I'll take on monkey and crane
With both hands tied behind my back?
[annoyed grunt]
Begin.
[grunting]
This one's for my mom!
[grunting]
Whoa.
[grunting]
[laughs]
[grunting]
[ropes straining] [grunts]
[ropes break] ah!
Po, enough!
[crack] [faints]
Hey!
[grunting]
That all you got?
I thought you were supposed to be warriors.
Po! This is unacceptable.
Save it, bite-size.
You're not the boss of me.
I'm the dragon warrior.
The universe chose me, not you.
You losers call me when you aren't afraid
Of a little fighting.
Okay.
Something is wrong with our dragon warrior.
He seemed fine yesterday.
Training session. The archives.
Oh wait, the mystical mirror of yin and yang!
He's been divided!
Po's evil half could be deadly.
So true.
Huh?
Well it's about time you woke up, sleepyhead.
Oh, did I wake you? Don't be mad.
I'll talk quieter.
[whispering] inside voice.
The archives. He's very clever.
Oh, yeah! I'd never spent much time in here before.
Check out this awesome echo thing
You can do with your voice.
Hello! Hello!
[echoes]
How cool is that, huh?
Po, do you understand what's happening here?
Umthe sound waves bounce off the walls
And they come back to--
You gazed into the mirror of yin and yang
And split yourself into good and evil selves.
Oh, that!
Which am I?
You are the good po.
Compassionate, innocent...
A bit overseitive.
[weepy] that's not true.
But the evil po has none of those qualities
And all of the dragon warrior's aggression and hostility.
That's nice too!
[sigh]
Or no?
At sundown this becomes permanent.
We'll be stuck with an evil dragon warrior
Whose powers are almost limitless.
[muffled] I can touch my nose with my tongue!
I can't believe it, I'm actually worried about po.
Yeah, I'm worried about us.
Seven of tongzi to wong, possible inside straight.
Gah-ri gets the north wind, no help there.
And the dragon warrior gets the five of bamboo, possible flush.
Action is still to fung with a pair of seasons.
Come on, lucky winter!
What is going on here?
'sup, losers?
We got room for one more,
But I warn you, that croc is a shark!
[laughs]
You can't be--
I can and will do anything I want.
I'm the dragon warrior, honey.
From now on, I call the shots.
[growls]
[knuckles crack]
You wanna do something about it?
Uh, if that includes leaving,
Yes.
[growls]
This isn't the time or the place.
You should listen to mama's boy.
[laughter]
Hey.
And while you're at it, clear out your stuff.
All of you!
Your services are no longer needed.
The dragon warrior is taking over!
And believe me, there's gonna be some change around here.
Evil po is growing stronger and more unstable
With each passing minute.
We must end this madness.
[struggling]
Isn't that gonna be hard, locked up like this
And the key is way over there?
Po, has that key been there all along?
Uh, no, just since the other me dropped it.
Uh-huh.
And do you see that you can reach it with your foot?
Yeah?
Oh, I see what you're getting at!
But I totally promised other-me I'd stay here.
I really want me to like me.
Do you think I like me?
Po! Will you just--
[deep breath]
[politely] yes, yes, he does like you.
And that's why he left us a way out.
It's like a puzzle, and you figured it out.
Good boy!
Yay me!
All: Yeah!
For too long, you bandits have been under shifu
And the furious five's oppressive thumb...S.
All: Yeah!
Actually, they don't all have thumbs.
You deserve better than that!
And I--I deserve respect. And I'll get it.
Through fear and intimidation... And something else.
Burning down the village!
Yeah!
Then they will worship me!
All: Yeah!
Who's with me?
All: We are!
Po's lost his mind!
Where's master shifu?
I've looked all over for him but I can't find him.
We've got to stop po.
Hey guys, there you are.
Tigress, I was about to clean your room.
All: Hwah!
Uh-oh.
[grunting]
Nice...
Move.
Ooh!
Good form. Oww! Ooh!
[straining] good job, mantis.
I--oof--found them--ah!
Quiet! [grunts]
Ooh! I had that coming.
Tigress, stop.
This is not the dragon warrior
Who has been causing all the trouble.
All of you, come with me.
You too, po!
Yes!
[sighs]
And you think this plan will work?
Absolutely!
What plan? Sorry, missed it.
P.S.
Aren't crane's feathers amazing?
[sighs]
If evil po sees his reflection in the mirror of yin and yang,
The two po's will instantly reunite.
We should be able to get him to do that.
You're sure he's on his way here?
[outside] get outta the way!
Pretty sure.
This is gonna be so great!
[singing] ah!
[burps] what to wear for po worship?
Ha!
No you don't, sweets.
I can guess what happens if I look in that mirror again.
Be careful! If the mirror breaks,
Evil po is here forever.
[softly] hi.
Really? I like that!
[grunting]
[slow-motion] oof!
[grunting]
[crunch]
Ha!
This po's got all of the moves, and none of the sap!
And none of the friends, either!
[grunting]
Ahh! Oww!
I'd know that fist anywhere.
Um, guys? Careful, uh, if you want.
Uh, when you hit him, it hurts me!
Well, lucky for you,
We don't seem to be landing many punches.
[gasps] wait a minute.
If it hurts me when he gets hit...
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
[grunts]
Yeow!
Ow! Ooh!
[grunts]
[laughs]
Oh!
Ow! Ooh! Ooh! Ow!
[blows landing]
[grunting]
[objects crashing]
[growls]
Ahh!
Crane, now!
Mantis, go!
[grunting]
Yah!
[echoes]
[laughs] nice try, feeble five,
But this po does what he wants to.
And this po does what he needs to.
But--it can't be! I broke the--
Replica!
Later on, me.
But--what--no!
[grunting]
No!
[suspenseful music]
♪ ♪
That...
Was...
Awesome!
[laughs]
Let's eat!
[all sigh]
[grunting]
[sighs]
It's kinda weird to think
That I have an evil side in me, shifu.
But you also have a good side, po.
They cannot be separated.
This is why we try to remain centered.
It is the balance that gives us strength
And brings peace of mind.
[grunts] ahh!
Very funny, shifu.
You'd rather go back to the goat lady?
[spooky chime]
[cowering] nah, I'm good.
Ski-doosh! Hwah!
-- Sync by Rafael UPD -- www.addic7ed.com/